Wurst Spc evar

The following article may induce incredibly high amounts of rage. This is borderline banme shit I'm talking about here!

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-LOL-J is to be allowed anywhere in the world, as it is uncontainable. The object is also to be taken to all SCP recovery raids, with no exceptions. SCP-LOL-J is to be fed 2 grams of Telekill alloy daily.

Description: SCP-LOL-J is a glass based substance that takes the form of the earth within an indestructible cube of unknown materials. Both the cube and atlas are clear and contain a statue of a puppy. The Atlas's movements correspond to tectonic plate movements of the earth. Upon eye contact with the statue, the target feels compelled to kill everyone in the vicinity. If nobody is in the immediate area, the target will die by [DATA EXPUNGED] SCP-LOL-J has displayed reality warping abilities, decommissioning several SCP artifacts "To send a message." All SCP artifacts deleted were from the future. SCP-LOL-J has offered "holidays". Upon acceptance, A large wardrobe appears directly in front of the target via unknown means. Targets are compelled to enter the wardrobe, where they disappear for approximately 8 minutes. 80% of targets are insane, injured or blind from self mutilation upon returning. Targets who are sane claim to have been "chosen" and have turned violent towards many staff, and destroyed one time temporal SCP. All targets are moved to a location called SCP-LOL-1-J. LOL-1-J is a vast desert covered in carved depictions of SCP-LOL-J. Depictions described in Log-LOL-1-J-1.

SCP-LOL-J has a positive effect on morale as long as it is fed Telekill. If is is not the SCP will turn violent and [DATA EXPUNGED] black holes [DATA EXPUNGED] time-space. SCP-LOL-J is in a positive relationship with SCP-682 and SCP-10101-J. SCP-LOL-J has revealed information on several SCP objects and has caused the creation of [DATA REDACTED].

Log LOL-1-J-1:

Eighty (80) D-Class were sent to investigate SCP-LOL-1-J. Eight (8) made it back with these descriptions. Carving translations as depicted. Depictions are not in order:
[Picture of SCP-LOL-J without outer casings in front of people. The people are praying to it.]
hE is fRom ThE eNd
[Picture of SCP-LOL-J in its current form. It is surrounded by fire.]
he feEds baCKwaRds
he lEAds Me
Let hIm OUt
[SCP-LOL-J surrounded by mutilated corpses]
HE eats whAT we will bE
it hurts
He WaS OuT in our begINniNg
hE chOSE me

Other carvings have not been depicted or recorded.

Addendum LOL-J-1: How the fuck you guys coaxed LOL into causing 9/11 I'll never know. Keter duty for the lot of you. Dr. Awesome.

Let's tick off the list!

1. Things What Let You Fight Good, Guyz What fight good, heck, anything involved with Fightan Good. CHECK

2. Reality Bending pplz what can make the world change with their mindz. CHECK

3. Things what we should do what they say becuz we wouldn't like them when they're angry. CHECK

4. Things what make other weird things. This includes things what make SCPs and Things what you put other things in and they come out improved. CHECK

5. Things what you saw on TV/ in a movie/ in an anime/ read about in a book / heard in a song.

6. Things what make you go nuts for no apparent reason. CHECK

7. Things what use up excessive resources, like nucular weaponz or Class-D personnel. CHECK

  • Blind Guards are excessive resources, by the way.

8. Things what excessively refer to other SCPs. This includes things what are better than other SCPs. CHECK

9. Things what are really pretty pplz whom everyone lieks. CHECK

10. Things WHAT1 are just fucking lame.

11. Things what perform OTT (Over The Top) as to what they're supposed to do. i.e. Knives what cut through dimensions, audio devices what cause insanity to whoever listens to them etc, etc.

12. Things what are ancient and evil, so vast that humankind cannot comprehend it, yada yada yada you can only have so many. CHECK

13. Anything what is spherical. Or cubical. Seriously, for fuck sake, pick a random object rather than a shape. CHECK CHECK

14. Things what lead to some vast dimension of pointlessness where we lose countless amounts of D-Class by sending them in for no particular reason. CHECK

15. Statues what move when you dun look at dem. We already have one what does that and it's better than what you can write. CHECK?

16. Things what is from DA FUTURE! We've got a whole city from there. CHECK

17. Things what just tell you random information that be's all mysterious liek. CHECK

18. Things what is indestructable just to be indestructable. We're the Special CONTAINMENT Procedures, not Special DESTRUKTION Procedures Foundation. We usually dun destroy things just to destroy them nowadays. CHECK

19. Things what caused teh INDIAN OCEAN TSUNAMI. Seriously, I think the Foundation has caused it about ten billion times already. And for that matter, quit making globes and maps that change the world when the map or globe is altered. It gets old. CHECK

20. Cats and Dogs. Seriously, we've got way too many canines and felines, let's do something different! Ferrets, lobsters, squids, platypi, muskrats, beavers, komodo dragons, their are millions of animals out there, that are not cats and dogs! CHECK

21. Humorous addenda talking about some shenanigan the staff did and what terrible punishment awaits if they do it again We are trying to move away from such things. CHECK